I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
