yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize