He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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