after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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