I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
