I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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