I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
