Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
