U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
