What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
