I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
