you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize