The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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