East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
