you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
