im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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