I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I party with great urgency now.
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