just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
