i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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