it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
