see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
