FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
