i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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