If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
