Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
