I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
