Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
