how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize