she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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