I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
