He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
