my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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