You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
operation have a gay friend backfired
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
