Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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