what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
