The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
