You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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