I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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