i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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