God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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