I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize