I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
