I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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