He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
