areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
