you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I supernannyed him into submission
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
