Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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