Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
