i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
