I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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