thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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