Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
